Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
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but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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