You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
