While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Did we literally take a cab across the street
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
