I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
