i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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