when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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