Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
