i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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