I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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