i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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