I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
