Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
