i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
