im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
