I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
How's work?
Spinning.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
