Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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