he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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