thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
