i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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