Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
