So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
