I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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