This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
