she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He? As in you personified your dick?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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