why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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