I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
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Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
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we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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