if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
