I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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