census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i think i have herpe
just one?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
