I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
