My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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