defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
