Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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