P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
