K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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