Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
