hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
