Apparently you make a good broom.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
