Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize