I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
