There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
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Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
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So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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