I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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