Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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