Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
