If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
