Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
