You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Less talking, more tequila
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
