Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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