This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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