She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
