Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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