will power is for people who don't want to get laid
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Randomize
