Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
