Kiss
Puke
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
