does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
