I want to have your abortion
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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