The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
