Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
