have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
