My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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