...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
