Sry I called you an 8
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
