we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
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i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
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You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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