All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
