he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
