I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
