When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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