Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
