I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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