thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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