Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
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He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
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He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own