can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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