This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize