I just cut my nipple shaving
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
