wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
